i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
