it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
