How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
