im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
