youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
