Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
