You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
