Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
