I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
