I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
