I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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