i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
