you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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