i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
