New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
