I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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