My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
