well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
