We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
