You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
