If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
He passed out mid-signature
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
