I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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