would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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