The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Randomize
