ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
