After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
