I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
