I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
