There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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