It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
You pole danced in your parka.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Randomize
