I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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