Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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