I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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