I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
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