According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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