i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
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