took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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