I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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