we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
