Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
