2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
