i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
