dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
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