Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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