i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
