Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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