Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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