Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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