So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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