The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
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