hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
two words: eviction party
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
