Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
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