for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
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