Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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